Bikes and lady bumps

I love my new bike, I really do. It cost more than my car, it gets cleaned more than my nails, weighs less than my handbag and I paid £300 more for an upgraded spec that I probably don't need just to get the colour I liked.

This foray into "road" biking has seen me ditch the scratty bits of uncoordinated mud splattered gear that I was more than happy to crash about on my mountain bike in for *cough* sleek, colour coordinated lycra and I find it increasingly annoying that my once coveted Giro helmet is blue and does not match the black red and white set up.
I've managed to beg, borrow and possibly steal some tri bars from a friend who used them for an ironman and once I manage to get the compromise right between aerodynamics and not crushing my "lady bumps" into a pose usually found on page 3, they'll do more than look the part.

One thing that does irk me however is that for something so beautiful, responsive and not to mention expensive; the damage it's doing to my errrrr lady parts is not something I can fully express without the use of a four letter expletive.......

Apparently part of the "problem" is my less than "committed riding style" meaning I am not distributing my weight effectively between my arms and feet, my errr lady parts are not meant to be the so called "third spoke in the wheel".....
Not having the arms of Jessica Ennis and the legs of Laura Trott there is pretty much going to be a "third spoke" in my "wheel" for the immediate future anyway but right now that wheel has a "flat tyre"!
Even with padded leggings and the practically sacrilegious addition of a *whispers* gel cover there was only moderate relief.
One suggestion was that "maybe you could ride it in a more ladylike fashion?" Errrrr did I wake up in 1890s!? Granted I probably need to stop throwing it about like a mountain bike but seriously!?
Another answer is that my so called "saddle" is actually the sporn of Satan himself!

Either way the chances of me becoming "lady like", developing Olympic arms & legs or learning to ride side saddle by July are negligible, the one thing that is certain is that the saddle of Satan is GOING!

 



Step forward (without doing so in the manner of John Wayne) the most significant development in preventing pain to the female anatomy since the invention gas and air!

.........Now if bike manufacturers would get their head's around the fact that just because I am a girl I've not wanted a pink bike / pink shoes or a PINK seat since I removed the tassels from the handle bars and the spokey dokeys from my wheels, that would be super!